Don't Get Caught Reading Glamour

I recently was perusing MSN when I stumbled upon an article written by Julie Klam for Glamour magazine entitled, “Would You Be Friends With You?” Now I must admit the only thing I know, or think I know, about Glamour magazine is that is a written largely for women. In a nutshell the article is made up of a series of questions that the reader, a woman, is supposed to ask herself in order to figure out whether she would “excel in the friend department or are one of those annoying people who always assumes everyone wants to hear the dream they had last night.” Questions like:

• Would you pick up your own call?
• Would you shop for a swimsuit with you?
• Would you be happy if you got a new boyfriend? 

While I am not a woman, this article intrigued me. It intrigued me because it further solidified my belief that a man needs to be conscience of the way his significant other views the effort he is putting into their relationship. If you do not think that your lady is analyzing everything you do and say then you’re a fool! Look at the things she spends time thinking about... hello… “would you be friends with you” anyone? If your significant other analyzes what kind of friend she is to her friends you can bet your bottom dollar that she has and is using those same analytical powers while looking in your direction mister! 

The good news is that women do not expect men to be perfect. At least that is my experience. Flip through an issue of Glamour or Cosmopolitan just once and you will see there are plenty of articles written by women, for women, explaining that we are the “train wrecks” of the human species and they need to be cognizant of that when engaging in a relationship with a man. Just because females are cognizant of it does not mean that they are overly tolerant of it however. Therein lies the essence this blog. As a man you do not have to change your behavior, what makes you a man if you will, to satisfy your significant other’s every whim or desire. Heck, I bet she does not want that either. But she does need you to make an effort, an effort that lets her know that you believe your life is better because she is in it. So what are you to do to give her that feeling? Well if you are new to this blog, you should start by reading one of my previous posts:

• Life Sucks Sometimes - the Power of a Really Good Kiss
• Don't Call Her a Cheap Date
• How to Argue the Right Way

As for the regular readers who are looking for a new weekly tip, here it is. Sometime while out together, before getting into the vehicle, walk around to her side of the car and open the door for her. Wait patiently for her to be seated and then close the car door. She will be pleasantly surprised that not only did you open the car door for her but that you waited while she seated herself to close the door so she did not have to.

There you have it, another example of something simple that will make your significant other feel like she has made the right choice in choosing you. Remember, it’s the little things. Oh, one piece of advice. If you decide to flip through an issue of Glamour or Cosmopolitan to see what is really inside those things, for God’s sake do not let your buddies find out about it! Until next week...

It’s the Little Things – the Hubby Coach Mindset in the Real Life

A friend of mine pulled me aside today to share a story with me. It seems her boyfriend, the morning after she spent the night, snuck downstairs and prepared breakfast for her. Once the meal was prepared he texted her that breakfast was ready. This event took place Sunday morning and today is Wednesday. This tells me two things, 1) her boyfriend’s effort of preparing breakfast with a creative text message made an impact upon her and 2) it is truly the little things that make the difference between having an average relationship and a stellar one.

This is a perfect example of something little making a big difference. The fact of the matter is this particular gesture did not take days of planning. There was not a significant monetary commitment involved. If you get right down to it, all he had to do was be quiet and make breakfast, and I am guessing he would have made breakfast anyway. Add a dash of creativity on his part, the text message, and he had recipe to make his girlfriend feel special, wanted and loved. Not only that, but she was was telling others about how thoughtful he was days later. Excellent! This is what we are all about at Hubby Coach, taking something ordinary and making it extraordinary. Two thumbs up!

Take this idea and run with it, or put your own twist on it, either way it will have your significant other telling her friends how sweet and thoughtful you are!

Till next week – Hubby Coach

Don't Call Her a Cheap Date!

Dates can be expensive. $40 for dinner, $30 for a movie, and if you have children an additional $30 for the babysitter, my point is it all adds up quickly. But is it really necessary? Sometimes I think we get lost why we go on a date in the first place. Think back to a time that involves a younger version of you, a time when you were just starting out on your own. If you are like most people you probably didn’t have a pot to piss in. Did that stop you from dating? Heck no! You still went out on dates. And if I was a betting man, I would be that you probably remember some of those dates better than any date you had recently. Why is that?

In my opinion you remember those dates for a couple of reasons. Fist is that you were probably somewhat new to dating. Anytime we experience something new we are likely to remember it. Second, and more importantly, is because we connected with our date on an emotional level. The focus of the date was not what you were doing, it was who you doing it with.

Some of my first dates with my later to be wife consisted of:

• long car rides
• listening to music
• walking through the mall holding hands
• high school football games

Most of the things we did together, and things like them, allowed me to focus on her, to connect with her and to share who I was, my beliefs, my dreams and vice versa. As time passes I think people lose sight of that. They start to focus on doing things that cost money instead of doing the things that keep them and their significant other close. Not doing those things cost you in other ways. Your significant other might feel disconnected from you or you might feel like you have “lost touch” with your significant other. That gets me to this week’s recommendation. Take your significant other on a cheap date. Take a drive or go for a walk. Whatever it is, separate yourself from the “same old, same old” and make the focus of the cheap date each other and reconnect. Talk, listen and share. It might just be the best date you have had in quite some time.

Till next week.

I Refuse to Buy Flowers - A Budget Friendly Tip

Something happens to females when they are young. I’m not exactly sure when it happens, but I know that it does indeed happen. Girls, like a light switch being flipped, suddenly become enamored by flowers. Maybe there is an underground association that is secretly controlled by the flower and greeting card industry that manipulates the mind of a young child through the Disney Channel, or maybe it is in their DNA, some rogue gene that springs to life after they become teenagers. Maybe, as parents, it is our fault. We give flowers to our daughters when they perform at a dance recital or give a performance at a school play and they begin to associate flowers with praise. Either way before we know it, they love flowers. They love the colors, the way they smell, the way they look and they eventually associate them with all sorts of feelings. Heck, they don’t even have to be happy feelings! Flowers, in the right circumstance, can convey sadness. Flowers are given to someone who has recently lost a loved one, for example. Well, I HATE to buy flowers and I’m not going to do it!

So what is a guy to do when his woman loves to receive flowers? Before I answer that question lets back up a minute and let me remind you of what this blog is trying to accomplish or more importantly help you accomplish. The purpose of the Hubby Coach Blog is to help you think of unique ideas that, when done properly, will make your significant other go “Wow!” Most of the suggestions I put forth will cost you nothing more than your time and often involve going against the grain and doing something that catches your significant by surprise because of the thoughtfulness of your actions. That is the essence of the Hubby Coach Blog.

Ok, back to the question at hand. What is a guy to do when his woman loves to receive flowers? The way I see it you have three options. Only one of the options comes with the official Hubby Coach seal of approval. Let’s see if you can guess which one it is:

Option #1 – You can buy them. Stop at your local flower shop and pull out your credit card, or order them online and have them delivered. Either way, there are lots of people in the flower business who will happily take your hard earned money. Keep in mind that purchasing flowers is not cheap.

While this is convenient and will garner an appreciative hug and kiss from your significant other, it lacks that “WOW” factor that we are looking for here at Hubby Coach. Not to mention, I hate spending money on something that will soon be discarded. After all, a flower begins to die the moment it is cut.

Option #2 – Do nothing. Obviously this is not recommended, doing nothing will get you nothing in return. Technically it is still an option though.

Option #3 – Pick your own. Take a look around, there is an abundance of wild flowers. Including some, in my opinion, more beautiful than what you will find at a florist shop. Pay attention the next time you go hunting, fishing, or take a drive through the country. They are everywhere.

Which option did you pick? Hopefully you chose Option #3. Option #3 has the “WOW” factor the other two options lack. Your significant other will interpret that you, by picking your own flowers, that you are caring and sensitive because of the time you spent to locate and cut your own bouquet. Plus, she will be impressed that you did not take the easy path and just purchased them. This is truly a win win situation because she is impressed with your thoughtfulness and you didn’t spend a dime.

Here are some flowers I found on my last fishing trip:

 

Life Sucks Sometimes Part 2 - the Power of Music

Normally I am a very optimistic person. I see the world through rose colored glasses and frankly I wouldn’t have it any other way. I cannot imagine going through life being a pessimist, always sour about something. Every once in a while however, like most people, I have an off day. We all encounter things throughout our day that can turn us from Happy into Grumpy in a heartbeat. That was a Snow White reference in case you missed it. It might be something as simple as misinterpreting an e-mail to an exchange of words with the boss. These things, when they transpire, can change a great day into an abysmal one very quickly. It is our own fault really. We give other people the power to ruin our day. But I digress, that is topic for another post.

In my last post, Life Sucks Sometimes – the Power of a Really Good Kiss, I wrote about how a kiss from the one you love is like some kind of magic trick evaporating the negative from your day into thin air. So too can music. Music has the ability to reach out and grab a person because it is entertaining, sometimes hypnotic and most importantly for our discussion, relatable. Have you ever found yourself tapping your foot or singing along to a song while in a bad mood? Me either. I have found however that a great song, one that strikes a chord with its listener, can turn a day around. Now that is power!

Music can truly help an individual in many different ways, from dealing with a death of a loved one to expressing how one feels. That gets me to this week tip. However, to accomplish it you will need to be a little covert or sneaky if you will. It will also require a little bit of time on your part as well. Intrigued?

First you will need to confiscate your significant other’s mp3 player. Or if you really want to look good purchase a new one for her. Below you will find a few examples for your consideration. Once you have the mp3 player load it up with at least ten songs that make you think of her. Sort of a modern day mixed tape. Do not however burn the songs on a CD-R. What I am proposing shows more thought and effort on your part and believe you me when I tell you she will appreciate it. In fact she is sure to appreciate the gift itself and will be astonished that you took the time to put songs with meaning on it. She will think you are romantic at heart and her friends will say “Awwwww” when she tells them about your extremely thoughtful and sensitive gift. And if I know one thing, a woman loves to use words like “romantic,” “thoughtful,” and “sensitive” when talking about her man.

Well there you have it. As always be sure to leave a comment and let me know how things go. Till next time.

IMPORTANT NOTE: Look the lyrics up on-line to make sure the songs you choose are really saying what you think they are. If not you might end up doing damage control like some politician whose wife found out he just took a “business” trip to Aruba with an intern.

Life Sucks Sometimes - The Power of a Really Good Kiss

Have you ever had one of those days where nothing seems to go right? You know, one of those days where you think that if one more thing goes wrong you are going to pack it in and go back to bed? Well I was having one of those days last week.

The day started with my alarm going off and me hitting snooze one too many times. Once up I proceeded to kick the corner of the dresser while rushing to get through my morning routine. Needless to say I was late for work and in a foul mood before I even sat down in my office. Being the optimistic person that I am, I tried to shake it off and focus on the day ahead. My positive thoughts only lasted a short while however as the wheels came off the bus. Everything that could go wrong did go wrong. The world was out to get me. I was sure of it.

Finally the work day was over! I was on my way home and I knew what was going to happen. My foul mood was going to ooze into the house like a thick fog. It was going to infect everyone in the house. If my wife and daughter were in a good mood they wouldn’t be for long. Unfortunately for most people that seems to be the result of a bad day, projecting it on others.

Arriving at home, I parked the car in the garage, mumbled to myself and walked into the house. Once inside, my wife met me at the door and laid a kiss on me. And boy what a kiss it was! Now she had no idea of the day I was having. After a few seconds the kiss ended and she asked “How was your day?” Do you know what my answer was? I responded to her question with one word, “Great!”

But wait a minute! My day wasn’t great! Why did I say “great?” In hindsight I realize that in that moment my day changed. In three seconds it went from terrible to great. The day was great!  At least now it was.  The sun was shining, I could smell fresh cut grass and someone somewhere was grilling out.  I sat on my deck that evening, enjoyed a wonderful dinner and thought, “I have a great life!” That is the power of a really good kiss!

That leads me to my next tip. Kiss your significant other when you greet her after work.  Linger a little longer than normal and let her get lost in the moment.  Do that every day next week and see what happens.  =)

How to Argue the Right Way?

Recently I watched a video titled “Is there a right way to argue with your spouse?” And while I thought it was an interesting video with lots of good advice, I couldn’t help but think that in an ideal world the argument would be avoided altogether. That is exactly what this blog is all about, talking a little time out of your day, doing something for your significant other and avoiding the fight altogether. The fact of the matter is that if you do the things I am proposing weekly, your significant other is bound to cut you a little slack when she interprets something you do as insensitive, chauvinistic or hurtful. And let’s face it, you are going to do something wrong. We all do. It is just a matter of time.

Before I get to this week’s suggestion, let’s review the video I mentioned above. First off, if you spend the time to watch it, it is roughly eight minutes long, it seems to be a segment written for women and comes off “cheesey” to me. But it does have some value. The segment addresses topics like:

• Avoiding using derogatory statements or “low blows”
• Addressing the issue without insulting your partner
• Being specific and making sure that both individuals get to speak.

All-in-all the video has some very good points and if you and your significant other are prone to arguing I recommend that you watch the video. It can be found HERE.

Ok, enough about the video and how to argue the right way, let’s do something that will help you avoid the argument altogether, which leads us into this week’s suggestion. This week’s suggestion is to go against the grain. Pick something, anything, that you normally do or don’t do that affects your significant other and surprise her by doing the opposite. Do you normally hold the television remote in the evening? Let her control the TV for a night. If she normally cooks breakfast on the weekend, you do it for a change. Instead of holding the remote control, hold her hand while sitting on the couch together. When is the last time you cleaned the dishes or put them away after the dishwasher was done with them? See what I am getting at?

Well there you have it. This week’s tip is to pick something and go against the grain. Be sure to write a comment below to let me know what you did and what your significant other’s response was. Till next time.

Your Personal Trainer for Your Personal Life says "Let's Go!"

I think she missed.

Here we go!

Today is the day! What day? Why, the day we get started WOW-ing that lady of yours, of course. But before I get to that, I found an interesting article on Yahoo! this morning. It is titled “For Guys: A Guide to Girl Talk” by Amy Spencer. Amy writes some things that really make me want to pack my bags and live the life of a monk on some mountain-high temple. For example, Amy writes, “If you’ve ever spoken to a woman, it’s fair to say you’ve been confused by one. Yes doesn’t always mean yes, no doesn’t always mean no, and most of us have once in our lives even admitted, “Well, I may have said that, but I didn’t mean it.” “

It is like we have moved to Bizarro World. You know, in the Superman comic books where everything is backward. Didn’t everyone read Superman when they were a kid?

Amy continues her article by sighting examples of what a woman says versus what she really means. Here is my favorite example:

What she says: “If you want to have a guy’s night, go ahead, fine.”

What she means: “I really, really don’t want you to go. And if you do, I’m going to be upset.”

Say what? So really what she is saying is that trying to decipher what a woman means is harder than trying to decipher the hand singles from the coach on an opposing baseball team.

So what are you, a guy, to do if a your woman says “yes” when she means “no,” or if she says it is perfectly fine with her if you do something, only to find out later that you’re in trouble? Because let’s face it, sooner or later you are going to do something wrong, whether it is taking her at her word, acting immature, or tuning her out while your favorite sport is on. The only thing you can do is try to stack the deck in your favor. And just how are you going to do that? By doing the one thing that I know she likes, making her the center of your attention even if it is only in limited brief spurts. You see, if I know one thing, it is that women, all women, like to be the center of her man’s world. That doesn’t mean that you have to dote on her every minute of the day, but it does mean that you have to go out of your way once in a while to make her feel special.

One piece of advice before you start

If you have been in your relationship a while and have not gone out of your way to make your lady feel like she is the center of your world, then you might face a little backlash the first time you attempt you make an effort and follow one of the tasks. She might think that you want something. It is extremely important that, if she questions you, you tell her that you have no ulterior motives and it was you thinking of her that prompted your action.

Let’s start small

While at work, either e-mail, text, or call your significant other and say something along the lines of:

Hey sweetie, I’m extremely busy at work, but I wanted to let you know that I am thinking about you. I miss you and can’t wait to see you. (Obviously take the time to rewrite the message with words you would normally use with your lady.)

Do you know what happened when I sent this to wife? When I got home, the grass was cut. My wife never cuts the grass! No joke. I was also told how sweet and thoughtful I was for taking a moment out of my busy day to send her that e-mail.

While your lady doing things like cutting the grass for you is not necessarily the outcome we are looking for- it is nice bonus for sure. Remember, the goal here is to create the feeling for her that she is the center of your world. It will keep you her biggest fan and there will be all kinds of rewards for you to reap from that alone with the most important being you won’t be lonely.

If you would like to read more of Amy Spencer’s article, you can find it here:

http://yahoo.match.com/y/article.aspx?articleid=11997

No woman has ever shot a man while he was doing the dishes.

There seems to be some misunderstanding as to what it is this blog is trying to accomplish. Is it going to give out relationship advice? Will it provide understanding on how to connect emotionally with ones female partner? Can it help switch the tide in the man’s favor so that he might actually be able to win an argument once in awhile? Heck no! There are a lot of other people out there who are smarter than I am about that stuff!

So how exactly is this blog going to help you? Well let me first say over the past year I have seen a lot of blog articles with titles like:

• Stop a Divorce and Save Your Marriage
• Practical Ways to Overcome Loneliness
• How to Win Back Your Husband or Wife

I must confess, while I passed over those articles in search of better reading, I thought somebody should really put out tips and ideas for men to prevent them from ever getting to that point. To the point where they are trying to save their marriage, wondering where it all went wrong. Are you seeing where I am going here?

As I said, I am not expert when it comes to all of the psycho babble that you will hear Dr. Phil talking about. But what I do know is what most women want on a daily basis. And the fact of the matter is that most guys suck at it. In fact, some of my friends have told me that I am really good at playing “the game.” Well guess what? It is not a game to women. IT IS A NEED! And if you are not filling that need you are walking down the path to researching information with titles like the ones I listed above.

So over the next several weeks and months I will give you a daily “to do” or tip if you will. My intention is to create a page on this blog that will chronicle all of the tips over time. I may even include some informational links to some of the psycho babble for those of you who have started down that path. And lastly I would like to create a forum if enough of you become followers of the Hubby Coach Blog whey you can discuss ideas amongst each other.

Here's the deal. If you're a guy and have been in a relationship before, I'm sure you have dropped the ball on most of the things that women love. Ah hem... Valentines Day. We all know that Valentines Day is one big conspiracy created by women and the Greeting Card industry. So how do guys navigate through all the mushy things that seem to be craved for by women. You have heard of a life coach right? Well consinder this your personal trainer for your personal life.

This blog will help you, on a weekly basis, do the things that you need to do to get your lady bragging to all her friends about how sweet and thoughtful you are! Her friends will wish their men were more like you and your lady will go out of her way to do nice things for you. It's a win win! (High five!)

Just how is a blog going to help you take your relationship to that next level? Well you will have to do a little work on your part, but very little. You will need to do a couple of things. Read this blog everyday for ideas and step by step instructions on what to do and subscribe to receive more ideas and instructions.

It couldn't be simpler and besides what do you have to loose? If nothing else you will get a few great ideas that will surely please your lady.